The past 12 months

It's been one year to the day since i left deloitte. and all i can say is that it's been a roller coaster of a year. i've gone from wanting to start a restaurant in the for the first 5 months to then taking up a job where i did the same thing that i didn't want to do anymore, and now doing something that i've not even studied or would have ever dreamed of doing and it's all been for the better.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans … to give you a future and a hope … You will find me when you seek me, if you look for me in earnest.” Jeremiah 29:11, 13 

Cancelled

We all have friend who cancel plans. Not to be sexist but 99% of the time they tend to be women, the remaining 1% would be feminine guys :-) the best part is that it's always the same excuse:

• oh i forgot (makes you feel so special)
• you call up coz everyone is waiting for them to arrive to get into the theater and when they answer the phone they sound sleepy and say. 'sorry ya, can't make it, not keeping well'
• I forgot that i make plans earlier with some other friends. (this is my personal favorite)

So guys i have a list of steps/solutions so that you're never caught in this situation again:

1. Give the person a maximum of 2 chances, if they cancel the 2nd time, know that it is a problem.
2. Always make an alternative plan and stick to that plan. the 'canceller' will never even know
3. now incase you've made an alternative and for some reason 'canceller' does not cancel, then just tell them that YOU have other plans. (teach them a lesson)

the best plans happen on the spot. so next time you and your friends decide to plan a trip/movie/dinner that is more than 1 week in the future. rest assured at it's not going to happen!!!!

Quotes

In the company that I work in now, someone from HR sends everyone an inspirational quote everyday first thing in the morning (how cool is that!!!!) so this post is a sample of the best of them over the last 3-4 months and my thoughts on the quote.

Knowledge is a process of piling up facts (Copy as many things as you can from google) Wisdom lies in their simplification(remove alternate sentences so that people don’t think you’ve copied the whole thing)

A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. Unless of course the drug is really really gud, then the positive mental attitude is not needed.

Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending. You might be feeling good because it’s your first day at work, but wait till you put in your papers, you’ll be ecstatic.

Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them. If we screw you over don’t worry, look at it as an opportunity to find another job.

Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about. If you’re planning to give up smoking and you can’t stop thinking about it, it’s not worth giving it up.

You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself be. If your life sucks, IT’S YOUR FAULT!!!

Your problem is never really your problem; your reaction to your problem is your problem. WHAT!!! If my problem is not my problem, is my problem your problem?

There Is No Next Time, No Time Outs, No Second Chances, Sometimes It's Now Or Never. You screw up, your outta here.

Meanings are not determined by situations, but we determine ourselves by the meanings we give to situations. Always I repeat ALWAYS look for an alternative meaning.

Set your goals high enough to inspire you and low enough to encourage you. Always tread the mediocre path, don’t aim high because you will FAIL!!!

The distance between your dreams and reality is a problem; if you get rid of the problem then your dreams become reality.If you really want that Ferrari, money is the problem, so if you get rid of the money, you should get the Ferrari. Correct? WRONG!!!

Success makes life easier. It doesn't make living easier. Isn’t life all about living? I don’t get it…

Failures do what is tension relieving, while winners do what is goal achieving. If you want to get rid of your tensions then you are a failure, however if you do something that is goal achieving then you are a winner with tensions. How cool is that??

Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking. All you people do dig you nose (you know who are) if you do that when no one is looking, that means you are inquisitive.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down. So if you are mean to people on your way up, then you don’t have to bother because you are not coming down. This makes sense; the world seems to work this way somehow.

So these quotes that are sent daily are supposed to keep up motivated n all but frankly I don’t even read it most of the time. But if I were the HR I would send people a joke instead. Or if they are interested I could sent everyone a quote I make up every day. Some examples

‘Don’t fret because today is Monday, it’s the first day in the week where you could find yourself another job’

‘Happy Friday, look forward to the weekend ahead, but at the back of your mind know that you will be back here come Monday’

‘The path to success is filled with obstacles along the way, the best way is not to avoid them; backstabbing and plotting against them will help accelerate you to the top’

‘The person sitting to the left of you and to the right of you are competing for your job, your promotion, your salary, your bonus...kill or be killed’

‘Teamwork is a concept coined by someone who didn’t know how to get things done himself.’

‘Success comes in many forms, for some it means a promotion, for others it means a new job, but for you it could just mean getting through this day’

Bus Torture

Following my post on typical train journeys in India, I thought I’d tackle another mode of transport used by most of us. I’m talking about the big red machine or simply the bus. I have to confess that outside Bombay (I’m certain that the MNS does not read this, and it’s still called Bombay) I haven’t used the bus a lot. More recently I’ve used the bus not for short journeys but for long journeys.
The local buses (within the city) in most cities have something unique about. I know I haven’t travelled all over India to comment on buses in all cities but I have a few observations I’ve made about buses in a few places.

Chennai
• The buses are almost never washed; I think they started out being either white or blue but are now off-white or brown.
• All the buses tilt towards the left rear, and this is true when there are people hanging out of them as well as when they are empty.
• The ticket checker walks around with all the change in the world but refuses to give you any.

Bangalore
• There are buses in Bangalore? (I know that’s what you all were thinking)
• Most buses seem to have Big 10 written on them, I don’t know if that means that they have only 10 buses or they go only to 10 places, either way the coverage stinks
• The first place in India that I saw Volvo buses used for intra-city transport, very cool.

Cochin
• I’m the lucky few survivors of the bus ride. Horrible drives who would probably be more suited to a race track.
• There is no bus schedule, it’s either that they ply on all routes at all times, or they are on strike. Well what else do you expect in Kerala
• People are like cannon fodder for them, they run over people and bikers and count frags (sorry for the UT references)
• The ticket checker pulls the bell before a person has even got off the bus.
• The whole bus always smells of coconut oil
• Men are invariably scratching themselves through the lungi
• The ticket checker seems to snake his way through the bus through gaps in the crowd that you and I could never see
• Since the buses compete against each other for passengers there is always a race going at at every corner.

Bombay
• The cleanest buses in the country
• The windows leak when it rains. (I know people in cochin, we don’t even have windows on the bus, when it rains, just pull down that torn brown sheet)
• There is always a middle age couple trying to spice up their married/extra marital life buy trying to feel each other up on the last and second last seats of the AC bus. There is also always the college couple who are doing the same thing. And there are a bunch of people trying to control their laughter coz although the couples think no one sees them, everybody does.
• The tickets seem to contain a cryptic code that no one understands, and I don’t think you’re supposed to either, all the conductor does is, punch a hole at random though an random number.

Well these 4 cities aren’t really a reflection for a country, or for a region for that matter. These 4 cities are the extent of travels. Although I stay in Hyderabad now, I’m yet to step into a bus here and once I have a firsthand experience I’ll be sure to update this post.


On a side note, I made a trip to Bangalore recently and booked tickets on one of those semi-sleeper Volvo buses. WROST EXPERIENCE EVER!!!
• The guy sitting next to me was drunk and stinking of alcohol
• He was sweating and had one arm raised all the time so that the whole bus (esp me) could smell his arm pits (YUCK!!!)
• There were 2 couples with babies who just wouldn’t stop crying
• There was the telegu movie going on at full volume, I tried increasing the volume of my ipod to no avail.
• After the movie when people were asleep there was the unholy crescendo or snoring! By this time my ipod battery was dead and so was I

Lyrically Challenged

When I listen to a song on TV, radio or whatever medium, the first time I listen to it and continue listening to it will probably be because of the music, the rhythm etc. But then the second time around I listen to the lyrics, I don’t know if that’s strange but it’s the lyrics are the essence of the song and if the lyrics are bad, well then the song should for all purposes, be as bad. But I’ve noticed that over the years I’ve built up a library of songs that I listen to with down-right horrible lyrics. I mean you really wonder what these people were smoking or drinking or thinking or if they were doing all the mentioned activities when they wrote the song. These are songs that are not horrible songs, they are songs that are nice to listen to but make no sense if you listen to the lyrics. Or as I like to say musically brilliant but lyrically challenged. Here are a few examples

Human – The Killers

It starts of well, but when it reaches the chorus you hear these words,

“Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?

What the hell is this supposed to mean, are we human or are we dancer. This guy certainly did not know what he wanted to write. And he’s rather desperate to know if he’s human or dancer. Idiot!!!

I Shot the Sherriff – Bob Marley

“I shot the Sheriff, but I didn’t shoot no deputy”

Who cares??? You’re still going to jail fool!!!

Smooth Operator - Sade

“From coast to coast, LA to Chicago’

Really? That’s coast to coast? What map are you using woman? Then again, women and directions; Living up to the stereotype. Excellent!!!

Careless Whisper - Wham

"I'm never gonna Dance again,
Guilty feet have Got no rhythm"

Well I think George Michael will tell you there were hell of a lot more guilty things about him than this FEET!!!

I would do anything For Love – Meatloaf

“I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that”

Well since this post is about making fun of the lyric, I’m ignoring the band name. Anyway, he says he would do anything, but not ‘that’. Well either this is a brilliantly written coz it’s got a disclaimer clause, or it’s just stupid.

Yellow - Coldplay

"I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow"

I promised myself I wouldn’t bring a Coldplay song to this list but this asked for it. An entire song about a Yellow line, what else can I say but, BRILLIANT!!!

Jack and Diane – John Mellancamp

"Suckin' on a chili dog
Outside the Tasty Freeze"

I’m ignoring the whole gay vibe of the lyric, and going to, who in their right mind sucks on a chili dog?

Disease – Matchbox 20

“You taste like honey, honey

Tell me can I be your honey”    

I like this song, but this lyric, it makes no sense. So let me get this, she tastes like honey, and he calls her honey, and he wants to be her honey, so wouldn’t that mean he wants to be a woman then? Maybe that was his disease to begin with. Woman trapped in a man’s body. That’s my conclusion anyway.

Honky Tonk Woman – Rolling Stone

“She blew my nose, and then she blew my mind”

This is just too easy so I’m not commenting,

Tubthumping – Chumbawamba

“Pissing the night away, Pissing the night away”

The whole song is bull shit, but this lyric just pushed it over the edge for me.

Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice

"To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal

Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle"

 Yeah, I know, too easy again, but what sense does this make? I could have picked any line from this song really but just thought I just chose these two.

These songs give us an insight into a true depth (or lack there off) of the artist or not. The important criteria I used when I chose these songs were that they were nice to listen to. I’m not even considering (c)rap music.   

Letters.....

Till the popularity of emails we wrote letters, well at least I did anyway. Staying in a boarding school, the letter was the way to contact your parents, to let them know what was happening with you. I know there were telephones but then again they were expensive. I remember that I used to send a letter to my parents every week, it almost detailed what I did everyday. Well we were forced to write letters every week. Now when I look back at the stuff I wrote (my mom’s saved a greatest hit’s collection of letters I wrote and I came across it recently) I realized how I as a person grew up and what things were important to me at different points during those 5-6 years.

The first time I wrote a letter to my parents was when I was in the 3rd standard, it must have been a week or so after I joined boarding in Ooty, I can’t honestly remember what I wrote but I do remember the process, there were about 10 kids in the boarding school and we all sat together along with ‘Aunty’ (she was the person that ran the school) and discussed what we did during the week. Each person had to contribute something to the discussion, some ‘event’ that we were letting our parents know. It’s strange when I look at it now, we all discussed what we were going to write to our parents and the sat down to write the letter, I don’t know anyone that would do something like that today. Also after writing the letter we had to read it aloud and then hand it in for correction. So basically all in all 10-15 people knew what you wrote to your parents. What I found hilarious was the stuff that was written in each letter was always the same,
•       The weather was always ‘tricky’
•       The dog was always happy (I hated the damn thing)
•       Everyone else was enjoying themselves
•       And most of all you were always a picture of health

So clearly the lie’s started at an early age. :-)


Maybe a few years later the letters asked about people at home, answered questions that your parents asked you when they wrote to you and it became more of a dialogue. I saw letters where I’ve drawn a picture to fill the gap, I’ve drawn a maze or connect the dots for my brother or sister to solve or even at times, I wrote a rhyme. (the last bit was an attempt at another one)

Later on when I was unhappy in the boarding, I used to write 2 letters, one official which was read by the housemaster for some strange reason (talk about invasion of privacy) and another which I posted myself on my way to church. Those were the most fun letters, I expressed my displeasure about being in the hostel and once I even threatened to run away from the hostel if my parents didn’t come to see me the next weekend (it worked). I complained about everything, the food, the classes, the housemaster and every single thing imaginable. When I look at those letters now, it seems like I was in a concentration camp.

Now when I read those letters one thing I realize is that, my handwriting was better as a 10 year old and that I do miss hand writing letters and receiving hand written letters. Email is convenient but it just seems impersonal.

Lessons from South Africa 2010

So this Sunday is the big world cup final, over the last 5 weeks I’ve heard people who haven’t spoken about football before talking about how a 4-4-2 formation is obsolete and how the 3-3-4 ‘diamond’ formation is where world football is headed (I agreed with them coz I don’t really care what formation is being played as long as the football is good). I’m looking for the world cup to end so that these people who claim to know everything about football can finally resume their lives and discuss more trivial matters like what is left to watch on tv (btw this is a genuine concern).

Now taking a cue from these ‘armchair pundits’ (it’s a phrase coined by someone who writes for yahoo, I did not come up with that, although I’d like to think I did) I’m going to list out all what I’ve learnt from this world cup.

·        The England football team is worse than the Indian cricket team when it comes to putting the country’s interest ahead of self.

·         Wayne Rooney is an arrogant lil prick who needs to learn that he’s not god’s gift to football.

·         The French soccer team should have not been ‘hand’ed qualification, Ireland would have been more entertaining.

·         It would have been fun to see the old hags of the Italian team face off against the Germans; it would have been like one of those matches where the parents play against their children and get whipped.

·          Brazil apparently did not play ‘beautiful’ football anymore, they tried to play like the old German teams (so I hear), as far as I know, kaka played like kaka and the kaka hit the fan as far as they were concerned

·         By Germany beating Argentina, they potentially ensured that over 50 million ppl who watch the final don’t see a short fat man running naked and go blind.

·         Netherlands have dived and fouled their way to the final, they surely cannot win the damn thing now, can they?

·         Spain have just scored enough goals to ensure they’ve reached the final, I don’t understand what happened to the flair and all that jazz ppl were talking about, they seem to play more like a machine. (that’s my expert opinion)

·         Ghana was brutally knocked out, but I say kudos to the guy who handled the ball, it was sheer presence of mind.

·         I’m sad to see that Paraguay did not win for all so different reasons ;-)

·         NDTV and IBN invited experts who probably have only watched football all their lives and are no authority to talk on the game. They just sounded like idiots, esp that bald guy, wanted to just throw something at him.

·         ESPNStar had John Dykes and that chick who hosted the ICL hosting the pre and post match shows, simple rating, John dykes A+ for the football knowledge and being entertaining, the random chick C+ for effort but still managing to sound like she was reading from a script. And the Malaysian guy, SHUT IT BITCH!!!

·          Facebook status msg’s revolved around football, some ppl expressed opinions and others just love to comment and talk nonsensical crap.

·         Frank Lampard will be having dreams about a cross-bar for the rest of his life, or atleast till the next time he manages to score a goal. He has also sent a letter to the make a wish foundation stating that before he dies he would like football goal posts to be higher, and that he could kill the linesman from that match.

·         A 20 year old Thomas Muller showed the world how to score goals, and showed England and Argentina how slow their defensive players were.

·         And FIFA successfully managed to change the lives of 20-30 blonde Dutch women, for looking HOT!!!

·         Uruguay was the surprise of the tournament, they were the perennial underdogs but they have played brilliant football.

·         Only a fool would bet against Germany not doing well in 2014, over 90% of the same players are expected to play in 4 yrs time. And I think their average age will still be less than the Italian team that they sent this year.

·         The whole world waited with abated breath for what Paul the octopus had to say, the poor creature is probably going to become soup (literally) if he picks Uruguay over Germany in the third place play-off.

·         Fabio Cappello clearly needs to learn to speak English; it just seems that the players didn’t understand what he was saying.

·         Diego Maradona now has to decide what he’s going to do when messi goes back to spain, who will he hug?

·         The ‘Nike’ curse struck again, Ronaldo – came, saw, dribbled, FAILED!!! Rooney- came, saw, ran and then just kept running all the way home, and Ronaldhnio didn’t even get picked!!!

·         The English team got robbed, had a fan come into the dressing room, and drew a game with Algeria and the US. They also came in second in the worst group of the world cup coz no one from the group went beyond the first knockout stage.

·         Klose has not yet managed to break the record for world cup goals, has one more shot at it though on Saturday.

·         Twitter must have crashed at least once during every game.

·         All the closet non football fans can return knowing that the next time they are out with friends no one is really going to talk abt football anymore (well at least till the EPL starts)

·         The football stadiums are absolutely magnificent and just hope that they are kept that way

·         The vuvezela’s were and the jabulani were the most controversial things this world cup.

·         It’s going to weird but nice to watch a football match without bees buzzing all the time.

To conclude, I have a confession to make, I’ve watched 2 complete matches and in both Germany scored 4 goals and made the opposing team look like fools. My opinions about all other games are based on stuff I’ve read, heard, made up and probably dreamt….